Damn, you’re about as nosy as me.
My real name is Loren, but pretty much all my friends and family call me LoLo. I was born in late January of 1980 and raised in the New Orleans area. And, I still call this shit-hole home.
It’s really hard for me to write a Bio on myself. Not that I’m shy or worried about how I come off. I’ve just been involved in a lot of shit for a guy my age. Some of it even sounds like total BS.
hmmmm… Fuck doing a decent Bio. Here’s some quick facts about me in no particular order:
1. I’m a High School drop-out - three years in a row. The first time I dropped, I had a 4.3 GPA thanks to some honors courses.
2. I worked the local Theatre scene in New Orleans for a couple of years. Did lighting design, ran boards, had sex in the lighting booth at the Contemporary Arts Center, general stage stuff, etc.
3. A great deal of my life was spent in the depths of excessive alcohol and drug use that would rival any rock star of past or present. I’ve cleaned-up my act a great deal, but still like to get trashed every now and again.
4. I’ve been using computers since the Commodore 64 era. That means I’m old school biotch.
5. I’d go into a few details about the evil shit I did on AOL back in the day, but would need to talk to an attorney first*. Lets just say that if Steve Case ever got his hands around my neck at the time I’d have been a dead 15 - 17 year old. For some reason I remember a guy/girl that went by the handle “SkateNig” back then. :cough: :cough: ;-)
*Update: when I wrote that, I was just being lazy. The reason I can’t openly talk about the stuff I did back then is a cute little thing in civil law. You generally have one year to file suit against someone after you become aware that they caused you harm. The shit I did is stuck in a purgatory of sorts. They know it was me (or at least they should), I know it was me, and the federal boys know it was me. Neither of those two could / can prove anything though. The possible criminal charges are a moot point now due to the statue of limitations. A civil suit against me is still very possible though. AOL / Time Warner (yeah, they merged in 2000) would have one year to file suit against me from the moment “they knew”. And, the only way they’ll ever really “know” is if I open my big fucking mouth.
Just for the record:
Between the ages of 15 and 17 I was a real piece of shit. Had never worked a real hard day in my life and didn’t appreciate people who did. I’ve had several wake-up calls and outright epiphanies since then. I’ll never be a person who fully walks a straight line legally because it’s my belief that U.S. laws are grossly overbearing on individuals rights. I don’t believe in fucking over or taking advantage of people though. That kinda stuff just isn’t cool. Me = one of the good guys now.
I’ve had some pretty hardcore tough breaks since I was 18 and attribute them all to Karma of some sort. Or at least always thought in the back of my head: “I deserve this shit-sandwich for all the fucked-up shit I did back in the day”.
6. I ran a small weekly rave that was pretty popular back when raves were still “the big thing”.
7. In January of 2000, I managed to get arrested for 19 felonies all at once. My arrest was the result of a six month undercover investigation the local police had conducted. The charges included everything from ‘Conspiracy to Possess and Distribute MDMA‘ to the outright ‘Distribution of Cocaine’. Nine of the charges were automatically dropped by the District Attorney when they were submitted. Even in this crooked-ass State, they figured it wasn’t a good idea to accept Drug Possession charges against a person who didn’t have any drugs in his possession at the time of arrest. After a one year legal battle, I ended-up going to prison on 10 felony counts. After 2 and a half years in the can, I was released on Parole. I finished that shit up in January of 2006.
Was I some big drug dealer? Nope, quite the opposite at the time actually. I was just a regular user with plenty of connections. My dumb ass was just nice enough to play the role of middleman for my “friends”. The crazy legal battle and some of my stories from prison will probably become multipart articles on BP one day.
8. I like cats.
9. I worked at Circuit City for a number of years. After being arrested, they asked if I wanted to become a manager since I wouldn’t be busy with the ‘rave thing’ anymore. Sure enough, I ended-up doing the ‘management thing’ until my legal battle ended. It’s really a shame that their business model went down the toilet. It was a decent place to shop before they fucked things up.
10. I’ve been paid as much as 45 bucks an hour to Juggle. I’m what a true professional would consider a total hack, but I could probably blow your mind. Unless of course you’re Jason Garfield, Michael Moschen, or my brother.
11. I like to think that I’m a fairly cultured motherfucker.
12. I’m a pretty damn good Chiropractor. This little skill of mine was always a big hit at Ecstasy fueled parties. It’s a shame that I’d have to piss away six years of my life going to school if I wanted to pursue it as a career.
13. On my 17th Birthday, I was legally emancipated.
14. My ePenis measures up at about 10,000,000,000,000,000,000 pixels. ;-)
15. Straight, currently single in love with a crazy chick, and no kids. Just to clear that up.
If I think of anything else I’ll update this page later.
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Well, I posted the above about a year back. Here’s some more stuff that I missed / new info…
16. While in prison, I was the official law librarian (Jailhouse Lawyer) for a bit. I lost that sweet trustee job after getting into a pissing match with the warden. It’s a long / funny story that I’ll probably write about one day.
17. During my teenage years, I was heavily involved in DeMolay. Plenty of lifelong friends and foe were made during that time. Things ended on a bit of a sour note, but I’d do it all over again.
18. Sites I own or at least operate: BurntPickle.com, GhettoWebmaster.com, AdultJokes.com, CheapNookie.com. And, I’m a moderator on xFanz.com. And, and, and… I also have a page on MySpace and Facebook.
19. I like to overuse commas, hyphenate stuff that doesn’t need it, etc. Why? So that stuff is read the same-ish as if I was speaking. And, I’m a retard.
20. Stuff I write about gets written about. Here’s my Press Page.
